Eventually she calmed enough to say, “You know what the real problem is? You’re not ruthless enough.”I smiled. “Since when is being ruthless a good character trait?”“Hear me out. What I mean is that in the Army there’s a cost of doing business. I’ve heard you say that. No matter what happens, somebody somewhere is going to get hurt, or even killed, right?”“Sure. We call it the butcher’s bill. Dead, wounded, all of that.”“Your problem is that you take so much responsibility on yourself that you think the butcher’s bill is your fault. It’s what made you a good leader - taking that responsibility - but every time you moved up, there was more responsibility, and the bill kept getting higher. The more men under your command the more likely somebody was going to get hurt or killed.”“Yeah, you’re right. I was told flat out that if I stayed in, I could be a platoon sergeant in a few years. Instead of eight or nine guys to worry about, it’d be forty to fifty. A company top kick might have. That's confusing for you to hear, I'm sure. It's confusing to me." I'm not confused," Dr. Lehner said. "You need to feel comfortable with your feelings, with the love and attraction you felt to Lauren, just as you are attracted to your husband." I know." It's perfectly fine to be bisexual, Stacey."I stared at him. I wanted to be shocked that he, a doctor, felt I was - am - bisexual. In the back of my mind, behind all the things that were making me feel guilty, that label lurked. "Bisexual." It wasn't a question anymore. It was a statement. I tested the word on my tongue.I left Dr. Lehner's office in a daze. I stopped by a liquor store and bought a few bottles of wine, a six-pack of microbrew for Jake and a bottle of Scotch.Even though the word was out in the open, I still didn't know how to deal with it. Bisexual. How would this affect my marriage? Would Jake want a divorce now? What was going to happen to us?Being a daughter of a minister had taught me many things. My father.
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