“Why not?” I asked plaintively.“We’ve both moved on, and we shouldn’t go backwards.” She said. “I thought you and Gladys were going to bring the house down last night! She needs a lad like you, and you need a strong woman like her to match your energy.”“But I don’t want her, I want you.” I said. “I didn’t travel ten thousand miles to be with Gladys. I love you Ava.”“I’m very flattered dear, but I think we had our time together. I’m too old now for that sort of thing.”I’d heard that before; I’d learned not to argue about it, but to just wait for her mood to change.We got back to find a patient waiting; a local fisherman with a bad gash in his leg sat stoically outside.I helped him in and gave him an injection of anesthetic at Ava’s instruction.“My arthritis is acting up today.” She said to me, “You can do the stitching.”She’s been instructing me, and I’d practiced on pieces of meat; this was my first time for real.“Go on, lad.” The tough old islander said, “I’ve been stitched by a mate. There were various situations and people at different times. I think these instances continued due to priors that made it seem to be OK for the next one to take place, but all the while knowing it was wrong. I am an African-American female & black people dont talk about being molested&hellip,hell, we dont talk about sex! Everything is on the hush or swept under the rug. This caused me emotional issues in my adolescent & adult years. When I was 27yo this turned taboo for me as I found myself replaying scenarios of some those acts during solo masturbation. I felt disgusted, dirty & embarrassed. I tried cleaning up my thoughts but several weeks later I did again. I struggled with the guilt that something that had affected me negatively I was now reliving during masturbation & bringing myself to climax. Ive analyzed my dilemma & figured something triggered it & will write about that later. Ive searched the net for reasons why this was happening & couldnt find anything that involved.
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