Insulated. Safe. I could probably tell some of them from the others if they were inside me but I never saw them. I could smell their misery and taste their hate, but I could barely hear anything and certainly never caught any names. They did the only touching and only when they were on top of me. I never knew them at all. So it was fair. The simple truth is that they could not have enjoyed using me any more than I enjoyed being used. Whatever demons they pumped into me week after week after week I welcomed with feverish hunger. I wanted their rage, needed it inside me so badly that the moment the last of them had climbed off of me for the night I was ready to give my life if they would line up and thrash me just one more time. I’m not sure what I was thinking. I was never worth that much.I craved the darkness, I think probably because there was a hollow in me where a soul was supposed to be.While those nights were lonely and degrading and painful, I miss them. Other than the pounding. And the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before.The outing was fun but relatively uneventful, until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte!!They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car.
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