I had much to learn it seemed.* * *"I've come across numerous powered patients displaying body dysmorphiabefore - BDD. It's a mental illness involving obsessive focus on aperceived flaw in appearance," Phillips explained, coming to the endof our second session. "The sufferer can feel ostracised and unloved,believing that the people around them view them negatively orhumiliate them as a consequence of their perceived defects," DocPhillips said."Like I'm perceiving I have girl parts, that I am alone and unloved.It's not paranoia if they're out to get you Doc. Thanks to Renfield mybody is nothing like it should be. Move on," I told the doctor."Renfield?" she asked."Ben Reilly... I call him Renfield it's a Literary reference. He'sDracula's pawn, a bug eating madman living in an insane asylum seekingimmortality... it seemed apt given the circumstances. Someone higherup in the CIA is pulling his strings I am sure," I said."Ah. Yes. Renfield Disorder. I'm sure Ben would dislike the. Each Friday he would grow eager to the point of desperation as the time grew nearer for his parents? weekly outing. As soon as they had gone he would begin his preparation. Firstly all curtains were drawn closed, upstairs and down. The process of preparing himself for orgasm became as much an addiction as the actual orgasms themselves. He would shower, making sure he was totally clean all over was important as this would make him far less able to tarnish his mothers clothing. The guilt of being found out would be too much to bear, he didn?t even want to think about the consequences. He made sure he used the same lotions as his mother in the fullest of attempts to not leave any noticeable scent on them, again to avoid detection. He was slowly subconsciously making himself associate sexual pleasure with being prepared and even having the scent of a woman. The true ramifications would only really be understood in many years to come.The showers were a sexual torture in their own right. It.
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