Just what the hell had Karen done, I went up the hall to our bedroom, and it was empty as well. In fact, other than my closet the whole house was empty. That Karen had left me was not a surprise but the fact that she took everything we owned with her really pissed me off and I was steamed. I retrieved my laptop, from my luggage and as soon as it booted up I checked our joint account, empty, that bitch. I already knew my own account was dangerously low in funds, as I had partied a lot at the convention. Far too tired to do anything tonight about it right then I lay down on the rug in our room thankful that she didn’t take the carpet with her. I slept all night in the fetal position alone and vulnerable. In the morning, I woke up the sun shining through the curtain less window. Stiff and sore, I automatically staggered out to the kitchen to make coffee. Of course, the kitchen was as empty as the rest of the house, even the stove and refrigerator were gone. There on the kitchen counter. I started frequenting the strip clubs again, and though I was interested in the girls, I wasn't getting aroused sexually. I started to wonder what had happened during those two months that had left a trail of many tortuous years of cheap relationships, one-night stands, and broken hearts. One night, as I sat watching a lesbian porno flick on my VCR, a light clicked on. I realized that I watched girls with envy, not with lust. And even with this new realization, I remained fearful of resuming counseling. Was I unhappy as a man? I didn't know. I began to wonder about my own sexuality. Perhaps out of curiosity or fear or desperation, I began to explore the Internet, and I discovered an entire subculture of transgenderism that I'd never known about. I discovered a treasure trove of information about transsexuals and sex change operations. I found numerous sites of transgender fiction and I pored over the stories. I felt a curious satisfaction - the stories _felt_ good to.
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