I said in defense of myself."Mark my words, she is only being nice to get into your panties. Watchyourself, unless that's what you are looking for." Lilly warned me with asnarl.I would like to say that Lilly's words hadn't bothered me, but they did. Ihad felt the hands of woman on me before and I had liked it. I liked it somuch that I didn't trust myself. I was in college to become great, a sourceof pride and joy for my family, not to become a dyke. I grew up in aCatholic family where homosexuality was wrong, and the last thing Iwanted to do was disappoint them. So for these reasons I made myselfbelieve that I shouldn't play with Linda any more. We were schedule toplay again tonight, and I desperately wanted to cancel. So with a strongconviction in my mind and the phone in my hand I dialed Linda's numberto cancel our match. I was ready to give her some phony excuse abouttoo much schoolwork. With each unanswered ring, my heart beat a littlefaster, and my breathing became. This was the first time I'd seen this woman since she'd sent me that awful letter. Although many years had passed I still felt something akin to hatred towards her. The rage I was already feeling ensured that there would be no chance at forgiveness. I was grateful that Susan didn't see me because I was not sure how she would view the events leading up to the death of her best friend.For the burial I again retreated into the background, trying to stay away from everyone, including my own family. This was something I felt that I could not share, even with them. As the vicar droned on I became lost in my own thoughts and failed to notice Stephanie's mother approach."You bastard!" She yelled. "You stole my little girl and murdered her."Following the first two words she began to hit me. I made no attempt to defend myself, in fact I felt a little gratitude. I was being punished for what I did. What she was doing to me was trivial in comparison to what I'd done, but someone besides me felt.
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