She didn't flinch and ran her hand through my hair, making me look at her again. "Your eyes are beautiful." Jen said. I just smiled and switched movements when the song changed. Jen was now behind me and I felt her hands on my waist. I intertwined my fingers with hers and bit my lip. I had to turn and face her. She was still staring at my blue eyes. They became fixed with hers and I didn't look away. Jen moved closer. I almost couldn't breath with how close she was. My lips moved across hers and I felt that I was becoming wet. She wasn't worried and just moved with my body. One more song went by with a Techno feel to it and I had to get some air. I excused myself and went to the restroom. "Are you ok?" Kate asked still close to her male friend. "Yeah." I shook my head repeatedly. "I just need some air." I walked to the restroom and looked in the mirror. It was still pretty crowded in the club and was reaching 2 am. I heard the door shut again and looked up. Jen had a. But I was ready to be as involved as needed.I talked to Becky every night, and she always tried to steer the conversation to the long term. I was concerned that she wouldn’t be able to do what she had said she would. I thought that her motives were always for a committed relationship and that she had figured that making love would seal the deal, even if she had said otherwise.I remembered quite clearly two separate occasions where I got Becky to say that she wasn’t expecting an exclusive arrangement at this point. I loved her deeply. But we weren’t on the same page. I should have heeded the warning signs, the advice, and my own misgivings.The thing was, and I had never hidden this from anyone, I thought my future was with Birgit. I knew that it was something of a pipe dream in some ways, but no more so than what Becky was thinking. So I couldn’t fault her for that. The key difference was that Birgit and I both wanted the same thing. Becky and I didn’t; at least not at this.
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