In the heady twilight between reality and dreams, I didn't have the capacity for self deception I'd relied on so doggedly as a man. I couldn't force myself to feel guilty for relishing the thought of being every a waking wet dream, even if I wasn't 100% sure when I was awake...My favorite dream was The White Room. In it, I woke up in a room where the walls and floor were all painted a solid, textureless white. It reminded me of my secret place, the place I could hide when my brain melted from trying to process too much pleasure at once. A place beyond reason, dignity, or morality. A place I didn't have to wonder why some of my proudest moments where when I was being humiliated. Where I didn't have to explain to anyone...especially myself, why the word 'surrender' sounded so musical to me; why it made me want to sway and writhe to its rhythm. Where pleasure didn't come with a price tag, and the cost wasn't always going up.In my dream there were strange, phallic protrusions jutting out. She ran a hand through herhair, the dark shoulder length mane fell back into its carefully tousledstyle. "Eh, you get used to it," she took my hands in hers, lookingslightly down to meet my gaze, her warm brown eyes softening me up likebutter. "Plus, the added height is kinda nice," She pecked a quick kisson my forehead, emphasizing the couple inch advantage she had on me inthose heels.Despite myself, I couldn't help the wry smile. Still holding hands Iguided Gwen over to the living room couch for our traditional Fridaynight activity, more booze and scrolling through about five differentstreaming services for at least one thing to watch."You say it doesn't bother you, but I don't believe that." I pulled herfeet into my lap, sliding off each shoe and placing them on the floor. Igave her a second to wiggle her toes, her red pedicured nails flashinglike tiny rubies in the light of the TV.She gave a little sigh while I was just glad my toes didn't feel squishedfor the first time in the.
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