” Paul countered, clearly not getting it.“I don’t know what kind of world you come from Pastor,” I interrupted him again. “But out here we all are all we got.” I pointed my index finger in the air and circled it around us for affect. “In fact the only thing we ever have is each other. It’s always been us against everything else and everything else is way bigger than anything we can be alone. Take it from me ... I know full well.”Paul and Frankie each stared at me with a dumbfound expression.“Ain’t nobody else going to watch our backs or save our sorry asses but each other. I only hope you’d do the same for me or the same for Frankie if either of us ever done need it? Because if we can’t count on each other then all this...” I pointed to the trees, the river and the plains. “This here will EAT us alive!”Paul nodded for a few seconds while considering my words. “I understand,” he said at long last. He slowly stood to his feet and hobbled over to me. He extended his wet hand for me to. Reaching for it, I reflected,I should’ve left it in the room. It’s Julie’s husband, what’s up?When I put it to my ear, he was hysterical. He had to slow down and repeat it.Julie was dead. She’d shot and killed herself. I switched to hysterical mode too. Hubby and I scrambled up to our room, threw stuff together, hauled it out, checked out and drove back to Saratoga, surprised not to be ticketed on the way.Again, as on my wedding night, thoughts drifted through my mind as we drove Highway 101. What? Why? How? It was a jumble with a constant theme, was it something I did or said?Tidy to the end, Julie had laid her head on a pillow and shot down to avoid blood, brain, sinew, and bone from defacing the wall. When we arrived, the scene had been cleaned, the bed removed. Our only responsibility was consoling her distraught husband. He swung from tears to rage with his versions of, What? And Why? He knew the how. It was his new pistol. He assumed guilt for having brought into the house.
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