Furthermore, I started exploring and revisiting fantasies of the past and present.I suddenly realized that cross-dressing was only one of my fantasy/fetishes. I learned that I was always trying to engage in all sorts of forms of self sabotage, and that it took many forms. I had fantasies about becoming a drug addict at the hands of another person. That I lost control to the drugs, and was forcibly feminized by that person. I had fantasies of being indoctrinated into a cult. I felt aroused at the prospect of losing myself to someone else's control. With each exploration, the fetishes and fantasies always went along these lines. Losing control, and not being able to stop. I always ended up with the fem. persona. Many of the dreams and fantasizing went along these lines. As time went by, I made multiple attempts to self-actualize at least one of the fantasies I had. More on that later.It was in high school that things started changing. While having fantasies, fetishes, and wet dreams of. As quickly as my new mom had moved in the 20th of the month came. Kim(my step mother) and my dad went to the airport to pick him up as I readied myself. I tied my shoulder length brunette hair into a pony tail. I slipped into a pair of tight jean shorts that showed off my ass and a pink shirt that clung to my hips and accented my breasts. I felt good today I was satisfied with my body and I knew I looked hot. Suddenly I heard the door open and assumed the were home so I finished putting my earring studs in and headed over the stairs. Fuck, in the door way stood my 6'5 foot, brown haired, green eyed fucking gerougus new... brother oh shit. " Oh um hi I'm Lizzy..." I stuttered. "Hay, Matt." He smiled, I saw his eyes do a double take, I blushed. I greeted my parents and took the liberty of showing Matt his new room. "So this is alot bigger than my old room." He laughed, I watched his full lips as he spoke. God damn I though he's your brother, maybe not biological... there was defiantly.
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