I was 11 years old the first time i was horny. i was sitting on the chair sidways so that it would push against my vagina. the more i write in these diaries, the more you will learn about that incounter, and the more you will learn about how i have been scared. I'm not gunna say exactly what had happened, but my dads friends son who was staying with us, who was 13 at the time, had raped me after walking in and seeing the computer screen.I have been raped 3 times by him. once at 11, 14, and 15. yes 15, as in he had raped me again a few months ago. but i have a very very good friend, and as stupd as this sounds, we have had sex once, and we are going to again in a few hours when he gets back from skiing. i like watching porn, but i hate fingering myself and having guys touch me because it only reminds me of being raped. but my good friend has taken all my fear and has helped me develope a new obsession; sex. i will write another entry tomorrow if anyone wants to hear about what will go. “Your hands are like ice.”“It’s all right. I’m used to it.”I carried on rubbing his hands to get ‘em warm.He tried to pull his hands away, said he was ok.“Don’t be daft. I’m looking after you.”I was doing it coz I really did care. Didn’t want him to catch his death or nothing. He’d been delivering my paper for the last six months and to be honest, I was also getting a bit of a kick doing this. The thing is, I secretly fancied him. He was well fit. Drop dead gorgeous he was. Yeah, so I carried on rubbing his hands, loving the physical contact.Then I thought: if his hands are cold then his feet must be cold as well. He was only wearing a pair of trainers.“I bet your feet are the same.” And before he could say anything I took his trainers off. Again he tried to stop me but I wasn’t letting him.“And look at your socks. They’re not thick enough.”He gave me a funny look.“You sound like my Mum.”“Yeah, well you need looking after, don’t you?”“I’m 18.”“Yeah, well you still need looking.
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