‘I’m fine,’ I gulped, watching as he withdrew his hand, half-afraid he was about to produce another syringe. ‘I took painkillers a few minutes ago.’ ‘Good, they’ll make you feel a whole lot better. But I still think you could use something else. Hold out your hand.’ I stared at him in alarm. ‘What?’ He caught my left hand then tipped several small packets into my palm. ‘Did you know,’ he began gravely as I blushed again, realising exactly what was enclosed within the multicoloured foil-wrapped squares, ‘that natural endorphins have a similar chemical structure to morphine?’ ‘Re-really?’ I stammered, staring down at the assorted flavoured condoms, my mouth going dry. ‘And that lots and lots of those lovely pain-relieving endorphins are produced during sex, especially during orgasm?’ ‘Is–is that so?’ My body was already responding to his words, moisture pooling between my thighs. He cupped my cheek in his hand, lifting my head until I had no choice but to meet his gaze. ‘So I was. Isat down, the toilet seat was cold, no surprising as it was the middle ofwinter and bathrooms are always cold. Doesn't matter what house your in thebathroom is always cold.When I had finished I pulled up my underpants and pyjama bottoms and walkedover to the sink to wash my hands. I looked in the mirror, the face staringback at me was not mine, or at least it wasn't for the first 22 years of mylife. Now this face is my face and most likely will be forever. This face,the face of a child, the face of a child girl, and the body of a child girl. I was once a young adult, fresh out of university, I was once a boy, I oncehad a girlfriend, and a family and friends, and looking for work, ready tobegin my life in the vast world of work.Now I am a child in primary school once more, with my entire secondary schooland university life ahead of me once again. Now I am a girl, without agirlfriend. My girlfriend probably hates me, my girlfriend is probably fullof sadness and loneliness not.
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