We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to. It was a heady cocktail of Aunt Joan’s inexpensive cologne, the slightly sweet smell of our perspiration and … unmistakably … sex. It immediately aroused me. I heard the taps running and the feint sound of Aunt Joan humming a tune. The light filtering into the room from the bathroom disappeared and the room was plunged into darkness. Seconds later I felt Aunt Joan climbing back in beside me. She laid down facing me and reached across in my direction, lightly touching my cheek. ‘Hi Aunt Joan … it’s me Bill’She giggled and shuffled closer to me.‘Sorry did I wake you Bill’? I needed a tinkle, anyway who else would it be? I wasn’t expecting to find Sean Connery’‘The James Bond guy’?‘Yes’‘Do you fancy him then’?‘Just a tad Bill … he’s so handsome and sexy, it would be a dream come true to find him waiting in my bed for me’ ‘Do you wish it had been Sean Connery’? ‘I wish!’ ‘So I’ve got some competition then’‘Not tonight Bill, I’m all yours darling. Here give your Aunt Joan a cuddle and.
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