It was true what I told her. I had completely lost my purpose forbeing. Primarily as a result of the events of today, but partlybecause of what had already transpired. Still, trying to heed herwords I began to speculate what the future did in fact hold for menow!I grasped at the potential positives.I could continue nursing, which was my vocation, and gave me a highlevel of fulfillment.I could possibly still have children in future.I could find someone new. Zac Smith showed me how easy that could be;too easy perhaps. It didn't feel that way now, but there may well be atime when it's what I want.But trapped in this moment I truly couldn't see beyond it, and feltstrongly that it would have just been better for everyone if I hadhave died.There seemed to be no end to my infinite tears, but Kristi seemed tojust patiently endure them all.She had to go home eventually though. I felt that she should rest,just as I suppose I should. I didn't want to be left alone with justmy mind but I still. . I picked up my dry cleaning I'm sure I have a better shirt to change into!" she said in practically a whisper. She stood to rush out and Jeremy held up his hand to stop her Jeremy was happy to see the reaction before him. She fell for it every time. "Bring em to the brink of self-esteem destruction, let them feel bad for a few minutes, offer no remorse, no solace. Be firm and at the peak of the moment, hang out that hand to catch her from her fall and pull her back to happiness, her hero." he thought to himself. One of the guiding principles of his pick up teachings. "You can go change in one minute. We are not through here." he shot out in a sort of annoyed tone. Her eyes now fell. "I hate when you make me play this role Jenny." Use their name to keep the focus, say the name with a very tiny hint of content. Everyone loves to hear their name, whether good or bad, but the tone in which it is said is picked up subconsciously he quoted to himself. "I want to come in here.
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