"What do you mean?" I asked in a voice of annoyance and curiosity."I think you want to sleep with Lewis because you want it, but your convincing yourself that it is the right thing for him."The words hit me like a wrecking ball. The guilt turned viscerally into sadness and remorse. I was using the loneliness of one of my closest friend's as a reason to initiate sex. I broke down. The tears leaked out like a broken faucet. I suddenly found myself in arms. Joe hugged me tight, with my head face down on his shoulder and my body firmly against his. Eventually, my crying subsided. Joe held me out from his arms."You shouldn't cry. I understand how you feel," said Joe."In what way?" I asked in a bubbling voice, wiping my eyes."Wanting to have sex with someone who you are so close to that it feels taboo."I forgot how to cry. My mind went blank. My brain jammed and stopped processing. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?"What did you say?" I know you feel, about wanting to have sex with. We'd gone out to dinner and movies a bunch of times and for the first time she invited me into her place. She lived in a townhouse with two housemates. It was late at night and seemed like her housemates had all gone upstairs to bed already.The two of us sat on the floor in the living room without turning on any lights. We got to making out there on the floor. I was stealing a good feel of her tits while we kissed. My heart was racing. Despite her being older, she had told me she hadn't done anything physical with another guy before either. We'd felt each other's clothed bodies before on other occasions, but this was the first time she unzipped my pants and awkwardly tried to reach inside them.She wasn't having much luck, so I eagerly just helped her out and slid down my pants and underwear completely, giving her free access. She started stroking me a bit which felt amazing even though she really didn't have any idea what she was doing. But I think the unpredictability of the.
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