Apa said we will stay here and go back in the morning.At night all of us gathered in the compound of the tourism bungalow and did eat and dance and then at about 10 we all went back to our rooms. But I prefered to walk along the banks of Chilika and so Sushree Apa came along. Sushree Apa was very senior to me, she had 2 kids both in college, her husband was a businessman. While walking on the banks we sat down on the bans and talked about this that and then we remembered how we had spent days in medical college etc. At about eleven we got up to get back to our rooms, I was feeling salty all over due to the wind and so wanted to take a bath and so I went to my room leaving Apa in her room.After taking a good refreshing bath I came out and then put on my shorts and t-shirt and started the tv. Then there was knock on the door and it was Apa. I enquired if she needed any help and she came in and said I am not feeling sleepy, so I said u better be here and when you feel sleepy go back.. Why would I say that? My anxiety expresses as some paranoia (That’s cool we’re old friends. It’s a awesome friend to have in any form of Law enforcement. He’s kept me from a beating many a time.) My anxiety also expresses itself as random jerks in my body and it gives my left arm a kinda of life on its own. When I stress it will draw itself up by my shoulder and my fingers do this thing where they deform like I’ve had a stroke.I was off my meds for about three days due to not having the money to get them. I wasn’t happy with the experience, My mental abilities regressed and the pain, I mean the real pain started coming back. What upset me is I discovered that without those pills my brain can’t function. So it’s not a matter of becoming normal again or any simulation of it. It is simply about functioning well enough not to shit my pants and no I don’t want to talk about it.My family has been talking with each other about what to do when dad dies. They seem to forget I have really good.
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