She is totally happy in her confident organiser way. For the woman in the photograph is my mother and that look has guided me for the last twenty years.The simple snap, taken by my father on their honeymoon, shows my mother orientating herself for the adventure in Prague that she has organized. And it perfectly captures the mother she was destined to be.I now know my father didn’t put the photo on our mantlepiece just to remember their vacation. Rather he knows what she knows, that she understands where they want to go, has their journey planned and she only needs to check the details to make sure all is right.For she is the lodestar of our lives, loving us as she guides our way forward. And I now tear up every time I see that photograph, knowing she can’t do that for me anymore.Sheltered, traditional, naïve maybe even a little bit rudderless. Not words that I would have recognized as applying to me, but ones that in reality did sum me up as I finished my second decade on earth.And. Then I sighed. No Robert wouldn’t be able to help me either. I took a deep breath then looked at Jeff again. ‘When you were married to your first wife or even now with JoAnne, were there ever moments when she would just stare off into space, almost as if she was in another place or another time?’ I asked trying a different approach. This time Jeff was quiet for a good five minutes before he spoke again. ‘No, can’t say I have ever been in that situation.’ ‘Oh.’ I looked down at the table. I didn’t know how else to ask my questions. Jeff seemed to sense something because he reached over, squeezing my hand. I looked at him in shock for a moment until I realized he meant it in a fatherly way. Jeff smiled in a fatherly way, ‘trouble in paradise?’ I looked at him. ‘Yes…No…I don’t know…’ I looked down at the table again. ‘It’s just that sometimes life is great. We laugh, joke, tell stories about our childhood, we have a great time.’ ‘But…?’ ‘But…There are other times, usually at night.
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