On many occasions caught Sam looking at my cleavage, at my age… that made me happy!Sam had just found a new job after being made redundant at his old place. So our meetings were reduced to either weekends or sometimes in the evenings, if I could make up an excuse to Joe. Usually, it would be to see a friend of mine, Doreen. Joe knew I liked to cycle, so it was not unusual for me to take the bike and go.The night before I was due to meet Sam, I was so horny I wanted Joe to fuck me. He said he was dog tired and he fingered me to an unsatisfactory pathetic semi orgasm, which I faked. It made me scream out for a ‘big cock’ in my head anyway!Although Joe was a black man, contrary to porn sites, Joe was not a ‘Mandingo,’ nowhere near. But in his youth, with what he had for a cock, we fucked like crazy. But these days, his energy and enthusiasm for sex was not even ten per cent of what it used to be. I suppose it was down to him being ill.I felt like getting up and going onto a porn site to. This sentiment on my part was not dueto any measure of Kirk, but rather on the fact that I knew Jane's motherwould be under a lot of pressure at the moment and I didn't want toantagonise their family atmosphere any more than was already happening.J.J. had tried to kill herself and I knew how it felt to be in thatposition. It was one of the reasons why I saw worry in my mother's eyesevery day when she looked at me. She was always watching me, trying to catch any moment of my thoughts,trying to spot one of the darker ones that might lead me towards thatend again. I wasn't proud that I'd made her look at me that way, but Irecognise that in the end it had brought me to the club. I knew all too well what J.J. was going through right now as she pulledherself back up out of the pit. It didn't matter that she'd known shehadn't been in her right mind when she'd tried to do it, the feelingswould still be there and still be raw to her. Whatever it had been tomake her do that, and I could only.
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