He didn’t want to be with her anymore, but he certainly didn’t want her death on his hands. He knew how hard it was to pull yourself out of a deep depression. A week after he broke up with Lindsay he called Sylvie to see how she was getting along. She sounded better. She was going to apply for a PhD position at UCSF. ‘You won’t miss surgery?’ He asked. ‘Yeah I’m sure I will, but it could be a good change for me. I feel like research might be a better lifestyle choice. It might be nice to not be on call for most of my life. ‘ He was pleased and reassured that she was making progress, even if it was in a direction he’d not expected. As he was saying goodbye she said, ‘Thanks for calling Ol, it’s good to hear from you. I hope everything is going well for you.’ He almost told her about breaking up with Lindsay but something held him back. ‘Yeah, I’ve just been getting back into the swing of things. I’ve been in theatre an extra day to try and catch up on my backlog. I’ve got it booked. Many more of the students couldn’t handle the sounds of scalpels slicing through flesh, of bone saws cutting through skulls and had quickly fled the room. She’d stayed stoic throughout the entire procedure, swallowing down any idea of nausea, forcing herself to ask pertinent questions, answer any questions that had been given to her. Her instructor had taken her and three other students aside on the last day of class and congratulated them on the professional mien they had shown that day. He didn’t know about the nightmares she’d had for weeks after. Of seeing that man, a victim of a car accident, mangled by the force of two machines colliding at a high rate of speed, cut open, organs removed and weighed and then returned to the body cavity in a plastic bag. He’d had no clue what it had actually done to her. That was the one and only time she had ever had any doubts about the career she had chosen for herself. This autopsy had been worse. It was clinical, she was dissected without.
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