She squealed with delight."Pop, Jessie, the beautiful woman standing next to Josh, is Sandra Johnson,Sandy to her friends, and she's my best friend." And lover, I added in my mind.Josh chuckled softly. Does your father know? Josh asked me silently.Probably. If he doesn't, he'll figure it out during the drive to the hotel. He doesn't miss much.Sandy hugged Pop and said, "You'd better call me Sandy, or I'll be angry with you, you handsome galoot."Pop blushed. Jessie and I laughed. Jessie stopped laughing when Sandy hugged her. Laughing wasn't the usual reaction when Sandy hugged you. She put her heart and body into a hug.Pop wore his shield, so I didn't know what he was thinking, but Jessie was running true to form.He's gorgeous, Nicky. Ooh, he warmed me up, and then Sandy heated me up. Whew! You must be turned on all the time.Josh laughed. "Just about," he said.Jessie blushed. Fuck, she thought. I forgot he can read... oh, damn, I thought the F word. What's he goin' ta think of me?"I. ..If that were the case, why was I still feeling jealous and hurt? Why didn't I feel any better about what I'd done?Possibly because you allowed them to manipulate you into doing something you swore you'd never do.Why did I finally agree? Why hadn't I been willing to do it before now?Fear.Fear of what?Loss. Pain. Suffering.Carlie. I was afraid of having to go thru the agony I'd experienced at losing Carlie, times three.Kinda stands to reason, doesn't it? The only person in your life you ever fully committed to, and look what losing her did to you. Why wouldn't you be afraid of that happening again?But now I was about as fully committed as a person could ever be, and there was no way I was going to be able to escape...Unless... You wish. Her death didn't kill you so it's not very likely theirs will either. What's more likely to happen now is that when one of them dies the other two will follow quickly and you ... you'll take a dive off the deep end and become a raving lunatic. And who.
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