Meanwhile Priya was serving us tea and other goodies to eat, at about 9 pm Priya said its time for dinner, Vinod are you leaving today, he said I shall leave now as its late, I intervened and said, don’t go its already late and we have not finished our work, he said ok. Then we went to have dinner and during dinner I slipped into Priya’s plate powdered avil 75mg tablets without her knowledge. I told Vinod while Priya was listening that Vinod you go ahead and finish your work, your bedroom is near the hall, and we are sleeping upstairs, so if u require anything just call. I then went and helped Priya with the vessels cleaning , she started to feel a bit drowsy and she said I am feeling sleepy, I said ‘don’t worry, I shall finish, go ahead to bed. The moment she left I too followed suit and entered the bedroom along with her. I embraced her from behind and she said come on I am tired and feeling sleepy, let me go to bed and I want to go to the bathroom before sleeping , she removed her. I had been struggling with my gender for as long as I could remember, butit seemed like lately I could not fight any more, and cross-dressedwhenever I could. Finally, I had reached a point where I wondered wheremy faith in God had gone, and having prayed to have this need taken fromme for years without an answer, I reached the conclusion I was a lostcause.This led me to having a scary moment where I had a bottle of pills onbed, and I was trying to figure out how many would kill me, since takingtoo many would just make me sick. After more than an hour of looking atthe pills and fighting my natural instinct to stay alive, I gave up, andput the pills back in their bottle, and shook with agony and grief untilI fell asleep.The next day, I went out to a quiet field behind my house, sat down, andlooked up in the sky.Then I started screaming.I shouted as loudly as I could, calling God every name I could think of,using more swear words in this speech than I had used in the sixteenyears.
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