Rather, there seems to be a mean-spiritedness to the actions of these crimson vertebrae’d fellas that seems uniquely Southern. I feel it necessary to add that I am myself a Southerner, or was once, and that I too have been accused of red-neck tendencies — most frequently regarding my unqualified love of Lone Star beer and Carolina-style barbeque. Be that as it may, Bubba and I have been having a running dispute over his operating procedures for years: I shout at Bubba, shoot the bird at Bubba, I slam my poor old sailboat’s transmission into reverse and throw the tiller over and just miss the closing bridge by inches and look up in time to see Bubba pointing at me and laughing his ass off. It’s a tiring ritual primarily because I always lose. On the day in question — and it was a nice clear December day, by the way — it was nearing evening rush hour and I knew I had to clear the bridge ahead or be caught waiting at least three hours for the next opening — and I had the howling engine. ”“Me?” I gasped. “Why would you ever want me to have sex with Beth when you just saw how terrible I am doing it? I don’t know anything.”“But that’s the point Larry,” Jenny replied. “You know how it is to be inexperienced. You know how people can put you down—like I did to you at O’Grady’s. I need someone like you to cushion Beth and to help her. If she becomes afraid and wants to stop, I want someone who will stop. If she is determined to go through with it, I want it to be a wonderful experience.”“How can I make it a wonderful experience?” I asked.“Because I will teach you,” whispered Jenny, “To make Beth happy. Will you do it?”There was no other possible answer. “Of course I will,” I replied.“OK,” Jenny said, “First lesson; into the shower.”I got up quickly and headed for the bathroom. “Wait,” she commanded. “You just got out of bed facing away from me and walked quickly to the bathroom door. Are you in a hurry for a shower, or are you afraid I will see your body? Come stand in.
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