To say I'm apprehensive is putting it mildly." I know," Elaine said. "But your dad'll be grateful for your company.It's a huge step for him, remember. I think you made the right choice inagreeing to go with him."Choice, I thought ruefully, had nothing to do with it. Celia Wardle hadme exactly where she wanted me. I had no choice, other than to play thegame by her rules for as long as she felt like it.Besides which, I didn't want to worry Elaine and Julie. I had, so far,stood by my decision not to tell them about what was going on. If mymasquerade supported my dad and gave comfort to my daughter, then so beit. I was no longer quite so worried about whether our neighbours hadseen my weekly comings and goings as Carolyn; we hardly spoke to any ofthem in any case, so it didn't matter too much to me.My big worry was the complete and utter humiliation that would resultfrom being exposed at work as a transvestite. That threat was the swordbeing wielded expertly over my head by Celia. "Yes, don't worry you'll have to be patient." My mom laughs into the phone again as she lights a cigarette. She takes a long slow drag from it closing her eyes as the smoke fills her lungs. Does she even care about daddy? I shake my head and continue to eat quietly. "Well, I'll tell you one thing, that's why I got married." She laughs hard and coughs as she drags another slow deep breath of her cigarette. I look up at her and she is looking directly into my eyes. She looks to the front room where daddy just left, then back to me pulling the phone from her ear. "Go see what's wrong with your father or something." Why did she want me to check... I sigh and look at her pointing to my food. She gives me an 'I don't give a shit about you eating, do as I say' look. Nervously I push back away from the table looking to the door and back to her. She is already talking back into the phone. I walk out of the house only wearing socks a skirt and small tank top. The night's cool air pushes.
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