Und natuerlich auch dasWort 'Kastrationsangst'! Ich hatte nie Angst davor. Ich fand das Zeug davorn eher laestig. Mit der Ausnahme des Pippi machens. Das war mitSchwaenzchen ganz praktisch.Ich weiss noch, ich habe mal erlebt, wie ein paar Schulfreunde ihreWasserschlaeuche miteinander verglichen haben. Ich hielt mich da raus.Mir war das peinlich. Und deswegen haben die mich dann ausgelacht. Naja, die hatten manch andere Gruende auch noch.Als ich so 6 etwa war, da wollten mich meine Eltern in Judo schicken.Katrin, meine Schwester, ging da bereits seit ueber 2 Jahren ins Ballett. Ichwollte auch ins Ballett. Aber die Psychologin meinte damals, ich solle michmehr mit Buben auseinandersetzen. Wenn ich mich zu sehr von ihnenzurueckziehen wuerde, dann waere mein 'ungewoehnlicherKleidungswunsch' eine typische Flucht vor der mich erwartendenMaennerwelt. Na und, und wenn's so gewesen waere? Was wuerde dasjetzt noch aendern? Ich waere gern in's Ballett gegangen. Inzwischen hatKatrin mit Ballett. Still laughing I said, ‘I told him, ‘I’m sure my vibrator can get me off better than you will ever be able to, but if you really want to try it, I’ll grab a strap on and you can be my bitch, because I sure as hell won’t be yours.’ and with that he quickly returned his hand to his own lap, apparently he didn’t want to find out what would have happened if he had left it there.’ When I had finished Raphael looked at me completely stunned. It was easy to tell that he was thinking, ‘My Jessilin said something like that? She is little Miss perfect, an innocent goody two shoes. She would never say something like that!’ He asked skeptically, ‘Honey, I know you, did you really say that?’ I matched his stare. ‘Yes, actually I did. You see he had been annoying me for quite some time so courtesy went out the window.’ Raphael looked at me, the biggest grin on his face and told me congratulations for finally standing up for myself. Then he leaned close and whispered in my ear, ‘I didn’t know you.
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