He chose to ignore my sarcasm. ‘I never pictured you as the white cotton type, Wright.’ He moved the package of panties out of the way and picked up the wine. I narrowed my eyes. ‘Let me see your ID card.’ ‘This can’t be legal,’ I muttered under my breath. Instead of arguing, I passed my ID card to him, the one with the horrible picture of me sweating in my PT gear. I would check with someone later, JAG maybe, about what he was doing. But, right now I had a very nice shot down the front of his BDU blouse to the soft brown tee shirt that hugged his chest. What was I thinking? I couldn’t do this. I snapped my head around, staring blindly at the perfume display. The next thing I knew the vee of his chest was in my face. He held my ID card under my nose by two fingers. ‘Still with me, private?’ ‘Yessir.’ I snatched my ID card and stuffed it into my pocket. He stood over me for a few more relentless breaths. The smell of his skin invaded my lungs. Had he been someone else and had we been. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.*P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.*P: Something loose in cockpitS: Something tightened in cockpit*P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on back-order.*P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.*P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.*P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.*P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.S: That’s what friction locks are for.*P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.S: IFF always.
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