Saturday morning I woke up to go to the bathroom andvery quietly took out the cigarettes, opened them andplaced two on the bedside table on her side and two onthe bedside table on my side of the bed, and a lighterand ashtray on each.I went back to sleep for a while and woke up with mywife cuddling me and nuzzling my cheek. She was readyfor our usual Saturday morning fuck session. Sheapparently hadn’t even noticed the cigarettes and webegan kissing and feeling each other up. I played withher boobs for a long while before she asked me to suckon them. After a minute of two of sucking, her headbegan to go back and forth and I knew she was ready foranything.She kept trying to pull my hand down to her cunt, but Iwas holding back.I whispered baby, you said you were going to smoke forme. I know, she answered, but I don’t have anycigarettes. Yes you do. Look on both bedside tables. Shelooked on her side of the bed and saw the two packslying there and the lighter. She reached out. “Oh Jonathan!” She kissed him, sticking her tongue in his mouth as he fondled her still-chilly butt.Before she could ask him to do the warming then, he handed her the other odd-shaped package. “French hen two.”“Thank you.” If she was less appreciative of this gift, it was because it had been predictable as soon as the first one was in front of her. Could you even buy a single ping-pong paddle? “Do you want to try out your gifts now?”“Open French hen three.” He handed her the third package. What she unwrapped had obviously started off as a single yardstick. Jonathan had cut it in half and put the pieces together by their sides. One end was wrapped to make a handle, and the two pieces were not quite against each other. There were two lengths of what looked like wire from a coat hanger along the edges of one piece. The one end of each length disappeared into the handle, and the other end stretched beyond nails which Jonathan had driven into the edges of the yardstick.“Can you get into.
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