Maybe if I don't see what shit I write, it'll bebetter for me. I've been born with the desire to write, but with notalent, or staying power to finish what I've started. I doubt I willwrite this for more than a page. I am trapped within my own skin, forced to grope breasts of other people,the lucky people, the girl-people, that I wish were mine, instead havingto settle for a penis. But I don't think that that's what I'm meant towrite about.I have dreams, you know? I have dreams where noses with wings take careof rose orchards where the juice of the sweet, succulent roses turns boysinto girls, when I can be me for the rest of my life, all thanks to afeathery nose. I have dreams where surrealism is so obvious that that word no longer hasa name. Where my own hair leaps from my knees, the Hellish blizzard ofstubble dissipates from my chin at last, allowing sculpted smoothness tobe, not smoothless.It actually is easier for me to write when I can?t see how stupid itlooks. I am a. I prepared a piece of carpet, rolling it up so it was 4 foot long and 12” round. I used duct tape to hold the carpet in a roll. I tied this roll of carpet to the post on the opposite side of the cuffs. I used a slip knot so that when untied will cause the roll to fall vertically down.About 20 mins before my husband was due to arrive home I got myself ready. I got out our large ring gag and put it on. This one when place in position behind my teeth holds my mouth wide apart, it’s uncomfortable but works extremely well. I knelt down in front of the post so that I was on the opposite side from the cuffs. I wriggled backwards so that my feet were placed either side of the post and with a bit of bending and twisting lock the cuffs onto both my ankles. Next, I reached back behind me to the other side of the post with an arm either side with some effort I locked both my wrists into the hand cuffs. At this stage I was kneeling facing away from the post with my ankles and wrists locked behind.
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