.. “Brothers and Sisters, I don’t like to have to do this, but there is a man in the congregation who is having an affair with another parishioner’s wife, and if there is not at least five dollars in the collection, I will reveal his name.”Later, as he counted the money he found 2O five dollar bills, and a two dollar bill with a note that read “Forever hold your peace, I’ll have that other three dollars before sundown.”I once found a throw rug in a catch basin.I bought a dog the other day ... I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him...”Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.-- Steven WrightWhen will all the rhetorical questions end?We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don’t we have inchage?Bumper Sticker:If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.The other day, I was walking my dog around my building ... on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.-- Steven WrightStudies show that 100%. He retrieved two beers and opened mine and handed it to me. We walked to a small two seat table at the end of the patio; Scott set his beer on the table and pulled my chair out offering me a seat. “Thank you,” I smiled, “Quite the gentleman.” “You’re welcome,” he answered, “anything for a beautiful lady.” ‘Wow’ I thought, he was very charming and very flattering. I was enjoying the way he was talking to me and the way he was hitting on me. This was going to be a very interesting day. We talked for the rest of the afternoon, not being away from each other for just a couple of minutes at a time. Scott was one of the last people to leave the party, I held his hand as I walked with him to the door and he asked, “Would you like to go to dinner with me next weekend? Maybe Friday night?” “Yes,” I said, “That sounds nice.” “Will seven-o-clock be ok?” He asked. “Sure, seven will be good, call me.” I said as I gave him a quick kiss on the lips. I closed the door, turned around and leaned my.
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