'; it seemed like you really needed to know the traditional rules so you could understand how we were breaking them -- and why. I, of course, was now an exception to the rule in that seventy-five percent or better of all sponsors were male. Doctor Mortensen was there, of course, but frankly, we had little in common; I got the feeling that sex wasn't high on her list of priorities. When evening came, I was more than happy to go back to our shared quarters and collect the girls to take to dinner.The girls were agog with the afternoon concubine training session -- and Judith was scornfully dismissive of a number of women who 'had to hear things six times -- and STILL didn't get it!' I found this amusing, and so did Ollie. But a bit later, Judith came to me in an aside and said, "Momma, I don't understand..." About me?" I asked. She nodded. Thanks to Dave Chambers, I had a ready answer: "Do you remember when Jack told you that you would go through a period where you thought, 'Oh, God!. We stayed in touch for 15 years after that but our relationship deteriorated to a point that we really could not get along anymore, and she told me that it was over and she didn’t want to hear from me again. She had made some serious changes in her lifestyle and I no longer fit. I knew that if it were indeed finally over, we could no longer be friends because of the lines we had crossed. At first it was upsetting to me and I tried to justify the ending by telling myself, ‘It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all,’ but now I realize that what we had could never be categorized as love. It was pure lust and, more than likely, an attempt to compensate for what we had convinced ourselves was missing in our lives. And, just maybe, we wanted to taste that forbidden fruit we had heard so much about. Any way you slice it, if I had never allowed myself to cross that line between loving her and lusting after her, I might still have a friend who would be fun to be.
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