As if in a trance, he spent the next three hourswatching the same show, while filing his fingernails and toenails, andeventually painting them purple. As he watched he gradually began tonot only tolerate, but actually identify with the characters. Hethought about how the women may be shallow and materialistic, but headmired how they asserted themselves in tough situations. It wasn'tuntil Mark had finished watching the show, taken a bubble bath andshaven off all his body hair that he finally snapped out of it."Oh no, what am I doin'? I gotta meet with a prospective client at 3PMand it's almost 2! I betta get dressed!" he exclaimed, with a slightStaten Island accent. He had only ever used that accent mockingly in the past. He figured itmust be from too much TV, so he cleared his throat and said the samesentence again normally to reassure himself. He quickly threw his suitback on and sped into the city in his new Range Rover.As was his normal routine, Mark tuned his radio to NPR. I could tell the neighbors watched this spectacle with great delight each week. At first, I used to wear my loafers and shorts when I worked in the yard. Then they all wore out. Soon I worked in my wife's orange hot pants and a pair of my wife's low-heeled, wedge-heeled sandals. At that point I found myself wearing heels and babydolls inside the house, so I didn't see much of a problem wearing the hot pants and sandals out in the yard. Besides, as I said, my wife didn't let me change out of the babydolls and slippers for the Monday night yard inspections. I wasn't too thrilled that the neighbors would see me in either outfit, but what choice did I have? I felt so terrified during the first several inspections that my whole body shook with fear and my eyes darted back and forth nervously. I could see the neighbors watching tv - Monday Night Football probably. I would have felt very jealous of them if I didn't feel so self-conscious. If they bothered to look out their window.
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