We both laughed at that and she said she was not looking forward to them. I was relived that it didn’t sound like my sister was going to die.There were more doctor appointments and then a specialist. One afternoon mom and Pat came home from seeing him and that was the day it all changed. I could tell something was wrong. Pat was crying and mom was ignoring her. Pat went straight to her room and mom went to hers.This made no sense to me. If Pat had something serious then why wasn’t mom being supportive. I wasn’t going to let my sister cry alone so I went into her bedroom and sat on the bed next to her. I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. At first she resisted but then gave in and leaned on me sobbing.I really wanted to know what was going on but knew it was too soon to ask. I let her cry and after a while it started to come out. “It’s not my fault.” I nodded my head “Of course it isn’t”. “Why is mom blaming me?”I had no idea what was going on but I. Where was this all going to end?I picked up the pot of lipgloss and hurled it to the floor, cursing and shouting that I was going to put a stop to this. I was almost hysterical as I shouted and cursed to myself before finally dissolving, helplessly, into tears once again. I washed my face before dressing in my own clothes, refusing to put any of Stephanie's things back on in a state of denial.I shook my head and stood up firm and straight in a sudden show of defiance. I was not going to be turned into a female - I was going to fight this!I put on an old leather jacket and stormed down to the garage, where I still had a helmet and boots, before firing up my old motorbike. It started at the second attempt, and I roared off into the cold afternoon. This was the final throw of the dice as far as I was concerned, and was a last desperate attempt to convince myself that this was all in my own imagination. I turned out of the street and onto a single lane road, which twisted and turned in.
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