“Dear Charley, please can you fix it for me to be fucked ragged by a big dog on national television! I’m a 51 year old whore from Nottingham, my husband left me last year with our three kids to look after and my life is absolute dog-shite, so I want to take this chance to fulfil my lifelong ambition to be a total fucking slut and do the most disgusting things I can think of! Because ... Fuck you, everyone!”She smiles contritely to the camera as she folds the paper up and flicks it away to the side.We fade through to a shot from the corner of a car, looking down and across at the driver - our hostess Charley Ozvik – with her straight black hair framing her surgically enhanced face, and from this higher angle a perfect shot of her fake cleavage and “DOGWHORE” chest tattoo, highlighted by a tight, low-cut T-shirt.“Hello, I’m Charley Ozvik – and I’m here to welcome you to another episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’. Me and my boy Thor...”We cut to a quick shot of Thor, curled up in the. . what are you guys trying to prove?" I have no idea... oh, shit." Sick?" No..." she tried to stagger to her feet. "If I came here with... whoever... I don't know if Hope got home." She did... I texted her after I got back. Lorraine replied — she was crashed out on the bed when she got back from her date with Tony." Another one." It seems to be the only thing this week that's happening more often than you getting drunk." I asked for that one, didn't I?" I'm just warming you up." Elspeth promised. "You're just going to be a barrel of laughs in the morning." Oh, god..." MORNING!" Briana's greeting followed hard on the heels of several million candlepower of sunlight streaming in through the window as Shawna's quilt flew back to let the cold morning air in around her legs."Oh, sweet jesus!" she groaned, trying to push the dead rabbit off her tongue."Hey, sleepy, time to get up for lunch." Elspeth put in, a little more merciful with the volume, but not much."I don't want any." She.
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