When I gave him a blowjob in an alley and found that I loved his cock gagging me, he didn’t laugh or call me names. When he found that I was submissive to him, he didn’t abuse me. I craved pleasuring him.I waited on my bike near his practice field and made sure he saw me. My young cock would get hard just thinking about the possibilities of what may happen. The anticipation was thrilling, it was all new and exciting. My heart skipped a beat when he casually motioned for me to follow him home. With his parents still gone at work, he excused himself to take a shower. I waited nervously in his bedroom for him to return. Nervous only at the thought of losing myself too much to his power over me. He walked in wearing only a towel around his waist, his skin shimmered, still damp from the shower. He mentioned being sore and needing a massage. He then layed down on his stomach on the bed right next to me. I think he knew I would do anything for him at this point. My cock already hard, I. I have the undesirable ability to shut down emotions. I try not to flip that switch, because it can’t be turned back on. I will take so much punishment before I do it, because if there’s any chance, any tiny .000001% of a chance that it will get better, I want to hang on. I’m tenacious. I don’t know how to give up. I refuse to believe I can’t fix things no matter how bad they get. But I’m learning that I can’t fix people. I can’t make someone feel things, or make them want to provide what I need. They either will, or they won’t. People are drawn to me. Men especially. But I’ve only met two people in my life who just did not like me, and that was okay, because I found them despicable anyway. They were not good people. They were not kind people, or even honest people. If a person has redeeming qualities, or is trying to become better, I respect that, and I give them credit for it. After my childhood, I didn’t speak to my father for over 7 years. When I finally felt ready to forgive.
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