“I should've done..” “Why was I so..” “No wonder she doesn't..” Those thoughts are toxic and seizes up your body.When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you get so ******* close to hating them. You hate that they've ripped you open, eaten you up and have left you to decay. You hate that they have let you hate yourself more than you could ever hate them. You hate them because of the things they gave you which weren't all good. And the things they stole. Like crying on their shoulders which they gave, but your pride they took.When you're in love with someone for the first time and they don't love you back, you never want to fall in love again. You never want attachments with anyone because of this substantial pain that is constantly there. You never want to kiss with love, talk with love, witness love. You never want love unless, it's that one person you love. That's the only thing that matters. Love had a horrible reputation, it's either make it or ******* break. "It was right after this that my boy, Alan, who is eleven, came down the stairs from his room and sloped over to my chair. Fortunately, I was writing a letter, not the kind of stuff I write when he's nowhere around."Mom," he said, "what can I do to help around here? I want some of those coupons you give Dad all the time." You help enough," I said. "You're pretty good about it. You don't need any coupons." But I want some coupons! When Dad does some work, you give him coupons, and I want some, too! They're cool!"Yeah, well, I wasn't. I had to think fast."All right," I said. "I'll print some special ones up for you and Judy, and you can save them up and get something you want." Like an action figure or something?" I guess," I said. "Or maybe a surprise. You save `em up, and I'll think of something." Wow!" he said. "That's cool! What's Dad gonna get?"Gulp! "He's going to get a surprise, too," I finally said.This project was getting out of hand. Fortunately, my daughter Judy thought the.
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