”“What do you know about these sort of things,” she cried, collapsing onto the sofa.“I’ve read about it in magazines,” l replied, “so did you do it, l want to know.”“Yes if you must know,” she replied, “l tried to spit it out the first time but he slapped me and told me l had to swallow it, it was horrible, l thought l was going to be sick.”“You still do it though.”“I’m used to it now… god that sounds awful… what are you going to do? Are you going to tell Mum and Dad, Dad will kill me.”“That depends,” l replied.“Depends on what?” she looked up at me with her tear streaked face.“Take your dressing gown off.” I ordered.“David…no…don’t make me do that, l don’t have anything on underneath, please don’t make me.”I was in no mood to be denied. “Stand up and strip off,” l demanded, “otherwise l will make like horrible for you.”I could see the resignation on her face as she realised there was no other course of action available to her. Slowly she stood up and undid the belt of her dressing. Deep endDulled senses. Ability to recognize such is slightly diminished. I miss the glorious pain. It is so real. The beats pulse through the body and so I go on. I’m alone with my thoughts. Plenty of time to think, ponder, and consider. A path is found I think. Pump, pump - the beats flow through, around me. Alive, living - oh yes, what fun. Oh joy. Is it? There is still a bit of confusion just under the surface. Oh no - what now?Bring on the pain. Focus is needed. Burning within in a fury of emotion, possibility, and probability. The music continues and so I go on. The road is long. Into the days and nights I proceed, continue. Even still with dulled senses am still able to recognize that which is deep. Far down below, where true substance is found, seen, felt, lived. Pump, pump and the beats continue to flow. Games played here and there. Assured is the entertainment and diversion. Go. Go. Coming and going around full circle. Hanging out with pain as the companion. Focus on the deep.
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