His enjoyment of Allie’s company never faltered, her seeking his help with schoolwork that she found difficult (less than easy Toby would have said), his help and encouragement with her piano playing which was largely when Nessa or her mother disagreed with an interpretation and, more than anything, her exuberance and joy in life. He loved her dearly.Allie’s love for him never faltered despite what Nessa and Leah had forecast. She never articulated it again but as she grew into puberty as did her friends it remained strong. He was her man for life.Inevitably she began to hear giggly, furtive reports from her friends about how so-and-so had kissed them or fondled their budding breasts and about masturbation. She relayed it to Toby.“It’s mostly talk and wishful thinking, I suspect,” he said.“Do the boys do it too?”“Yes. It’s mostly to make sure they’re keeping up with the others.”“What do you mean?”“Girls or boys?”“Both.”“Hmm, I can’t really say about the girls but I imagine it’s much. This I did with an eagerness that surprised even me, and I looked forward to the moment when I could show the Captain how much I loved him. I had accepted my state now. I no longer shielded by mind from uttering the phrase. I loved him. I saw it clearly now, though I could no more explain it than I could explain the sun. It was there, a simple fact. That was all that mattered. Sometime during the second day of my healing I got to see the cabin boy. He was pitiful sight, thin and emasculated, his demeanor dull and quiet. He did not smile at me but only shrugged when I spoke to him and asked him how he fared. Only later, from a crew member, did I learn the truth. The boy had been given life, but the Captain had taken away his manhood. They had castrated him. No more would he be a threat to the Captain's pride. At first I was angry, then saddened. Eventually I came to see the justice in the act, though it grieved me terribly. But I had begun to accept the fact I was not among.
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