To anyone who’s afraid of elevators, please take steps to avoid them.The new BMW Hemorrhoid series. Because eventually, every asshole gets one.My name is Bambi. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.You look like a million dollars – Less impressive than you would have looked like ten years ago... A man says to his boos, “Can we talk? I have a problem”.The boss says, “Problem? No such thing. Here we call it an opportunity”.“OK”, the man says. “I have a serious drinking opportunity”.You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for... Times new ramen!A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl... ... that means no sex before marriage. But he doesn’t care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides it’s time to propose to her. So he heads to her father’s house to ask for his blessing.“Hello, sir, I’m here to ask for your daughter’s hand”A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks “And why is that?”The guy lets out a long drawn. ' Rose drained her glass. 'It's really pretty simple. Havea little fun, Tammy.' 'Whatif he doesn't ask?' 'Hemight not, he might find it too humiliating but I suspect he will, he hatesgoing a month with only one jerk off, I doubt he could last two months. Mybet is, he will ask you as soon as I leave, hoping you'll let him come afew times while I'm away. If you want to, that's ok, I'm feeling magnanimous.' Rosestood up and kissed me goodbye. 'I'll send you a postcard. Have fun, I knowI will.' Later,I stood at my kitchen window and watched Johnny drive into Rose's driveway.He helped Rose with her bags and tooted the horn as they roared away. Minuteslater, I saw Steve standing forlornly at the front door, gazing down thestreet. He turned to look at my house and I stepped back so he couldn't seeme. The key was lying on the table and I quickly shoved it into the sugarcontainer, pushing it down until it was completely hidden. Iwent upstairs and had a long bath, lost in thought as I.
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