I opened the silvery foil and fished out the rubber, it was so soft to the touch as my fingers explored the latex rubbery thing that stop you getting pregnant, though for two little girls having their first exciting encounter with sex, it really meant nothing to us, we were just playing at being adults.The microwave 'pinged' and Amy opened the door and retrieved the phallic vegetable, it felt slightly warm, 'Just like her daddy's she remarked, and together we slipped the condom onto it, but there was a small problem, it was getting soft, with the 'cooking', we had subjected it too to make it more manlike, more real to the touch and feel.Amy had a bright idea in an instant, and she ran to the bedroom and cam back with a wire coat-hanger, she undid the neck twists and opened it up, and together we threaded it through the courgette, giving it a bone of its own, so as not to break up once it was inside us.We both had removed our underwear, and had used '****seed', oil, to lubricate our. I hated the weakness, the greed, the stupidity, the shortsightedness, and every other thing that made us the overgrown cockroaches that we were. I had to hate them, for my own good. Even before my cancer, my life had been agony. My mind was ravaged by its own cold existence, all this time cheated out of chemicals like serotonin. For most of my life I haven’t known what peace, happiness, or sanity meant. I’m trapped in a realm of existence that I cannot escape from, and no matter how well I live, be it a billionaire or a homeless vagrant, my misery and anger will be never leave me. That sadness had in time been twisted into hatred, the feeling of not belonging to any part of the world decaying into loathing for that world. Hatred is my only means of survival, the only alternative to wallowing in despair. It hurts less to hate the world around me than to want to be a part of it. It hurts less to hate others than to be starving for a connection.But I don’t want to be the cliché outsider.
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