That’s pretty typical of big studios. I’m not sure if it’s the acoustic treatment, which can smell very much like fiberglass, or something to do with all the cables and cleaner. I just know that they tend to stink a little. Bennie, the station manager, is talking to me, and I so want to tell him to shut his fucking mouth. ‘Jake,’ he says as he ushers me out of the hallway and into his office, ‘this is going to be a great month for Blackbird.’ He said that last month. I’m sure he says it a lot. ‘Hell, just today’s sessions include…’ And, no, he doesn’t trail off there. I just stop paying attention. I could tell you the long rambling version of how I got around to being a recording engineer, complete with lists of records that ‘changed my life’ and famous artists I’ve gotten to work with, but let me just say that I fell in love with music very young and I couldn’t play guitar. Or piano. Or drums. Or sing. So, deflated, I started considering the guys sitting on the other side of the. I am so inflamed that I’m consumed by my lover. When he touches me I am aroused. I don’t need anything else. It is enough to know I am the source of his pleasure. That is pleasure to me. So why am I surprised that he turns from me and takes pleasure from someone else? I’m not good enough. Eventually, he will leave me. Even the one who came to stay.”I felt the splash of moisture touch my cheek and wondered at the sense of loss I felt. I longed to reach out to her and caress her skin the way she touched mine. If only I could make her feel what she does to me, there would be no doubt left in her mind. But I am passive, unresisting as she works around me, unable to make the sounds that she makes.Reach out to me. Touch me. I will love you always. Don’t search for another. Don’t hold yourself from me. I worship you. Free me from this silence that binds me. I love you. I will never forsake you.“I know how foolish it is. I am not an automaton. I have needs. I know how to pleasure myself. I.
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