“I hope to God the doctor finds something wrong with me because I’d hate to feel like this if I was well!”Murphy dropped dead the moment he arrived home from a vacation in the tropics. He was laid out in the coffin for friends and neighbours to pay their last respects.“He’s got a great tan,” Mrs Doolan from next door mused. “The holiday did him the world of good.”“And he looks so calm and serene,” said Mrs McGuiness.“That’s because he died in his sleep.” explained Mrs Murphy, “and he doesn’t know he’s dead yet, but when he wakes up, the shock will kill him!”“Your glass is empty O’Flaherty, will you be having another?”“And why would I be wanting two empty glasses?” replied O’Flaherty.Murphy arrived home late from the pub, well oiled and ready for trouble.“Is that you Murphy?” called his wife.“Byjasis! It damned well better be!”Two tough union men were working on a building site when Murphy fell from the second floor scaffolding.“Are ya dead?” cried Gallagher from above.“To be sure I. ...." "What's not to understand," she spat, "either my daughter is having sex with you or she isn't, or are you so dense you're not sure!?!" "No, that's not it," he replied, "it's just that, well, I wasn't ready for......." "That's exactly the point," she interrupted, "you weren't ready to get caught were you!?!"His mind was racing as he tried desperately to come up with some sort of defense, but all he really could think was how in the hell could Pam have been so dumb to tell her mother about their personal life together!!! "So you're not going to talk about it," she offered, "well, you're not getting of the hook that easily!!!" "My daughter is only eighteen years old," she went on, "and if you think that you can just waltz into her life and have your way with her and then leave her like a sack of garbage, you are sadly mistaken!!!" "Well," she demanded, "what have you got to say for yourself!?!" "It's not like that at all," he protested, "I love your daughter, and I want to marry.
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