’ he says with a raised eyebrow. ‘Incredibly beautiful.’Do I walk slowly? Do I run? I am sooooo nervous now! I have an idea! I take a few slow steps, run the last two and leap playfully into bed! Time stands still or moves at an incredibly slow rate, as I fly through the air, his eyes open wide as he does not expect this, he rolls to one side, but my foot hits the edge of the bed and I twist in mid air, and land heavily on top of him. Too heavily as he lets out a grunt of agony!I roll away in panic, as I realize my knee has hit him squarely in his testicles! Oh my god! What have I done? He is blanched white with pain as he clutches himself and groans.‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that! It was accident, I swear, are you okay?’He looks at me with some anger, but I can see him wrestle with himself inside.‘No…I’m NOT okay, it hurts like hell! Why the HELL did you…..no, I’m sorry, it just…hurts….but I’ll be….all right. Do you have a cold, wet towel?’ he grits each word out. But when he's upset it gets ugly and its not like it was before, when he could just go home to his girlfriend. Today started off well, Jay was on the couch watching the history channel, I stood in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror. My thoughts are so contradicting. I'm asking myself "why are you sleeping with a man, allowing him to fuck you and dominate you. But the left side of my brain was asking are you and Jay in a relationship or are you just roommates with benefits. I had never asked Jay about our status. I knew he was having sex with girls in the apartment building because they would come by looking for him( we told everyone we were cousins). I walked out of the bathroom and sat on the couch with him, he put his arm around me and laid back into the couch. I looked over at him and he says "what you thinking bout nigga" i said "Jay what are we doing man, are we together or are we just fucking" he said "we good, just know i fucks with you". I don't want to go any.
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