I think that was the thing that changed me most of all. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for me. And that was what made me finally able to let go and love myself. Sometimes at night I think about the night you died. I cry every time I remember the look on the nurses face, when I knew the end was near. She came in and pulled away the tubes. Then the doctor came, and they turned off your life support. I closed my eyes as I heard the rhythmic sound of your heart monitor shift to a single sharp note. I still hear that in my head sometimes when I close my eyes. I don’t think it’ll ever go away. But what I’ll remember even more is what happened just before all of that. They stepped out of the room to let me say goodbye. I ran my fingers through your thin hair and choked out words that I had thought I would get to sing to you every night for years. But this once would just have to be enough: ‘Hush, little baby, don’t say a word… Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird… If that. What else could I say? I uttered, "Carl, cum in my mouth!" I knew that a man's semen were healthy, and I knew the risks if his ejaculatory fluid shot into my mouth. I wanted to take Carl's load because I was submissive. By swallowing, Carl would know that I had accepted his control over my actions. Carl's erection was far down my throat, I held my breath as I waited for him to shoot. He did not blow his load. I moved my head back to allow me to breathe. Once more, moving again, I was able to go all the way down on him. I knew he was close to erupting, as I fondled his balls gently. I received that feeling in my throat, a throbbing burst of energy; the first squirt of Carl's divine love juices flooded down my throat to my gut. I moved my head allowing his dick to be in my mouth as his creamy fluid filled my mouth. Carl's cum did not have an immediate taste since his first squirt was in my throat where there are no taste buds. I flexed and contracted my mouth to simulate a throbbing.
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