I had already learned the formal version only spoken by the heads of the families. I watched his eyebrows raise as I read through a few of the children’s stories as if I was the patriarch of the family.The last book I knew it was one written in the dialect only the Elder and a few top heads of the family permitted to speak when discussing business with him.I skimmed the fifteen pages before I told the old professor in English, “If the contents of this book weren’t in a language few can read, I would suggest it never be available to the public.”In language that I sense only he knew, I told him that the people and things discussed in this book happened long ago, but their families likely still exist. It wasn’t healthy for him to know what I found written in the formal dialects of this language. What I told him seemed to match up with the little he knew about the dialects of the elder’s language.He stood and said, “Colleagues, this young man has language skills far exceeding all of us in. “How could you not notice that when you tried it on at the store?” asked Bob.“I had to leave my panties on when I tried it on,” she said. “I didn’t think about how it would be different without them.”“Just shave things a bit down there. Problem solved,” he said.“I didn’t even start shaving my arm pits and legs until I got to college,” she moaned. “I’ll cut myself to ribbons.”“Never fear,” he said, striking a pose. “I will help you.”“Will you really?”“I’ve done a lot of shaving,” he said. “I’m good at it.”“Have you shaved women ... there?” she asked.“It’s no different than shaving my neck,” he said. “Don’t you worry your pretty head.”Which is how she ended up lying on the bed sideways, with her knees at the edge of the mattress and her lower legs hanging, while he sat on a chair between her spread thighs with his own razor and shaving cream. He had little trouble reducing her bush to a landing strip. When he was finished, though, and had cleaned her off with a washcloth, he couldn’t.
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