"I think you're pretty darn cute for an older dude. Sorry, that might sound kind of creepy. But I wouldn't take my top off for just any guy. I'm not a whore or anything. I just thought, well, maybe you'd help out and stuff, and it seemed you kinda liked it. You did, didn't you?" Katie said.I laughed."What's so funny?" Katie asked."I didn't just like it. I thought it was pretty awesome. I mean, that might sound kinda creepy, coming from a dude my age, but for real. A girl as cute as you, and as friendly and all, and, well with a body like yours, asking a dude like me to do what you did? I thought it was really awesome." I said.Katie smiled."Good," she said. "I'm glad. Because that's what I wanted to happen."I didn't know where this was going, so I finally just decided to be blunt and ask right out."You wanted something more to happen? Like what did you want to happen?" I finally asked.Katie looked at me. She was blushing. And she finally answered in a soft and quiet manner."Well, I. Hearing your friend tell you that she cuts herself rather than talk about her feelings is indescribable. I completely froze and prayed that she was joking. But she wasn’t. That evening I cut my hand in an attempt to shock her into quitting. She saw it the next day. She was hurt but my plan failed. I know that was ridiculously stupid. The shame you feel after hurting yourself to cope is difficult to deal with and I’ll be honest and say that the shame sometimes made me feel so bad that I actually harmed myself twice in the space of a few minutes. The term vicious cycle has been used to describe self-harm. I completely agree. It’s exactly the right term to use. You feel bad, you cut. You feel bad about cutting, you start to feel worse. And you cut again. And it keeps on going, and going, and going... It’s very hard to explain and incredibly difficult for people to comprehend but hurting yourself is very addictive. I have no idea why but that’s the only word that I can.
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