Is that such a big deal?”“The thing is Caleb, I’ve felt guilty about it ever since.”“Why should you feel guilty? Was the sex satisfying?”“It was good enough I suppose. It was good to be desired after going without for so long.”“Nicky, I can’t see what the problem is. Do you think what you did was wrong?”She seemed to gather herself. “I felt I was being unfaithful. I think that was what made me feel guilty.”“Unfaithful? To yourself?”“No!” she was scornful at that.“Well, to whom?”Again the hesitation. “To you of course.”“To me?” Now I was astonished.I sought to soothe her guilt, “But you’ve made no commitment to me beyond friendship. You can do what you want. I’ve got no rights over you, Nicky. In fact I’ve been thinking that I’d feel better if you had a boyfriend of your own age. I’ve said it before that you’re losing out, wasting your life looking after me.”She looked at me, puzzled, “You don’t see it do you?”“See what?” Yes, I was being a thick male.“Oh, God!” she cried, “Men are so. Fifth, he never told me about "reporting to you", and we never laughed together. Had he tried to laugh at you I would have kicked him (physically) out.Sixth, again you are right. Since your father passed away, I became so horny that I did not even consider being caught and found out.Pete, you are only 14, and yet I bared my soul to you in this letter. Maybe its better that you did not want to listen to me - I think it was easier putting my thoughts down in writing than having an argument over every word said.Pete darling, I don't want to go and marry a man I will never love, but I need a solution to my physical needs too. I think that in spite of your young age you understand that, and this is why you were nagging me to find a man. But if the price will be losing you - let me go to the authorities, tell them what happened, have myself put in jail and you become a foster son to an unknown family.I did the wrong thing - but it will be YOUR choice as to how this matter will be solved..
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