It's just me that she cares for and wishes to give her attention to. It's a nice feeling to have and it is an amazing thing to see, inspiring even, but I often worry that I am hurting her in the same way that he hurt me.I try to eradicate him from my thoughts, I really do, but it is not easy and I feel like a terrible, inadequate person because I have not found the strength to accomplish it. Especially as it complicates certain aspects of my relationship with Darci, like sex, for example. There have been times where it is not her I think of and it is not her name that I wish to call out. This has caused me to become more careful during our love making, and I have grown increasingly anxious when all I desperately want to do is let go and enjoy myself. I keep going back and forth with the thinking that I should let him go somehow and give my all to Darci. It is what she deserves given everything that she has done for me, after all. But in truth, I do not want to. I want to have him in. Three weeks later, she breaks up with me, out of nowhere. She drops offa bag at my apartment. It's the clothes, the heels, some make-up, thestockings filled with rice, a couple of pairs of panties, and couple ofbras and a few pairs of pantyhose, some stockings, some tights, a littleblack dress in addition to the leopard print one. There's a note:"Seemed like you enjoyed it as much as I did that night. Thought youmight like there."A month after that, I hear from a mutual friend that she's dating a girlnamed Rachel.A year goes by and for the most part those clothes stay in a bag in theback of my closet. Occasionally when my roommate is out, I'll put on thepanties or a pair of stockings and chat with some doms online. I askthem to call me Rachel. I tell them how much I love being their prettylittle bitch.It's my senior year and the second week of October. I'm seeing anothergirl. She's not quite as pretty as Meghan, but she's smart and the sexis pretty great. We get invited to a pimps and.
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