But mom and I pretended it was some great costume, and Ipretended to be SO relieved when I was able to return home to my propermaids uniforms. I made sure mom saw how happy I was to pull on my cap andapron, my petticoat, and heels.Our relationship changed in more subtle ways as well. I curtseyed to mymom when she entered or left a room, I spoke when spoken to, and Ireferred to her as "Ma'am". She in turn referred to me simply as "maid".I would stand in perfect silence with my hands folded in my lap, behindher chair as she tasted the dinner I had prepared. When she signaled thatis was acceptable, I went and ate my own portion in the kitchen, like agood servant should. At least, during the week. On the weekends we weremuch more fun loving and informal.By the time I was 10, I was already a perfect little sissy maid.For my 12th birthday, I got some dolls, some patterns to make themclothing, my first sewing machine, a set of 12 new uniforms, a handful of'boy' items for school, 6 new. It was great to be with the folks again, and Jake and his family. I was thrust into the limelight, feeling like the prodigal son. The love of family is a special kind of love and it felt good. But it seemed as if something was missing, a piece of the puzzle of life not there; and by its absence I was reminded how much I wanted and needed it.Jan and her husband and her fast growing baby came over for dinner. It was great to see her — because of the age differences (Jake was ten years older than me but I was only about eighteen months older than Jan), I had always felt the closest to her. After dinner she walked me out to the corral. There was a colt with its mother there, the colt couldn't have been more that a month old. It would dance up to us, curious, interested. The slightest movement and it would bound away. A few minutes later it would come nosing up again, curiosity overcoming fear for a moment.This was repeated a number of times and then Jan put her hand on my shoulder, nodded.
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