So how did all this come about? As a youngster at home I would occasionally get some very muffled sounds from my parent’s bedroom but I didn’t really understand what it meant at the time. The first real event was hanging outside my brother’s bedroom when he brought home a girlfriend after school.Our bedrooms shared a common bath so I had a good reason for being there. I heard some unfamiliar noises through the thin door and put my ear up against it. They were mostly unintelligible sounds in his girlfriend’s voice but then I heard some loud groans from him. Underneath all of that was a rhythmic squeaking.I’d found his girlie magazines and so had an idea what possibly was going on. My willy popped up and I rubbed it as I listened and then skedaddled when the sounds stopped. I heard them come into the bathroom and use the toilet and the sink. My brother poked his head through my bedroom door and saw me sitting on the far side of the room doing my homework. He’d been dating this girl in. We had so much fun, we decided to do it again the next year. I told the guys what I'd read about a burning bar, also known as a thermal lance. It's a long piece of gas pipe packed with thermite (iron oxide & aluminum), with a small hole run down the middle. You run an oxygen hose to one end, crack it open and ignite the other with an acetylene torch. You need an aluminized suit, draft fan and welder's helmet to use it, but it'll melt about anything. We screwed up more safes than the James gang. We eventually found some bantam hens and a rooster. It took four long years, but that's for later.Year TwoWe were well into the winter blahs. Linda finally let me know that she took her job seriously. She came up to me with an open encyclopedia, pointing at a picture of a Persian rug. "Have you been holding out on me?" I had no idea what to say, so I deadpanned it. "Yeah." She just looked at me like I'd fallen off her boot. "Bastard." She turned and walked away. Well, hell. Time for some Linda.
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