Not so much," I said and laughed along with her. "But seriously, I'm just not ready."She got serious. "Were you hurt elsewhere, by the IED, I mean? Did it leave you unable to perform sexually? Is that the real problem? 'Cause that won't be an issue." What?! No. NO, " I said a bit too loudly. "You can check with Carmel in Shreveport, before I met you. Or Angie in Lansing, that was about five years back. Or..." Okay! Stop! I got the picture. I don't want to know about all of them. Do you want to know about mine? There was Mel Stokowski; he was seventeen and I was eighteen. He was the backup center on the basketball team, and..."I reached over and put my hand over her mouth."I don't want to hear about any of them," I said softly. "Whether there was one, or sixty-one."She took my hand in both of hers, pulling it quietly to the table."Okay. What about how I dress, now? Do you like the clothes I bought in Orlando? Bright colors, you said." They're fine. Great. You look good. Sexy even," I. . like those dates you had together; they were something special just between the two of you.”“I know I could have done much more for her,” John said, his face shadowed with regret. “Faye did so much for us ... she was unbelievably selfless.”Dana knelt down in front of him and gently clasped his hand. “John ... what happened to Faye wasn’t your fault. You might feel like you let her down, but it’s just not true. I hate seeing you like this ... your confidence is shot to hell and you’re crucifying yourself over everything at the moment.”“No, I’m not!”“Yes, you are,” she said firmly. “First there was that comment in the kitchen about me and Irillith being much smarter than you ... and us having to carefully explain things like you’re some kind of moron. Then you blamed yourself for not taking out Larn’kelnar single-handed and letting us get hurt; you made it sound like you were just standing around jerking off! Now you’re feeling all this guilt about not treating Faye right and that you.
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