I wonder about a life that can never be now. A life that, that by contrast, is so different than what I have now. I can not hope for this to be as I would like it. Doing so would mean not considering you and your situation. So instead I attempt to get through the day as best I can. I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I. I might add that he really is a good lover, but I have always wondered if making love to another man would be just as good as or maybe even better than fucking my husband. Could tonight be that night? My palms were sweaty and I had this tight feeling in my chest. I’m lying on this bed with just my bra and my damp pussy exposed to this strange and handsome man sitting at the foot of my bed. Now my pussy is dripping wet and all I can think of is this Los Angeles firefighter going to stick his dick in my throbbing pussy. My husband is 6’2” tall weighs around 225 lbs and for a man of 64 has a nice body. His penis is about 7” long and narrow around the girth. He has very little hair on his body but a full head of hair. His feet and his hands could be that of a women’s. He keeps his groin area trimmed and this makes for a pleasing sight both visually and physically when the love making begins. The whole time, as I lay exposed to Antonio, I’m thinking if I’m going to make love to Antonio.
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